Been a single mum.

Before I begin rambling, this post isn't a cry for sympathy/attention neither is it a way of me doing down anyone in a different situation to myself. It's just something I've never expressed my feelings about yet! ( I have a lot of them). I do hope people can understand these are just my ways of working and thinking. So..!

I never asked to be a single mum. I never asked for the father of my child to leave me while I was in the early stages of pregnancy for quite frankly, anything else with a pulse. I never asked for a complete family unit to be wripped from under my feet. However, you don't always get what you ask or hope for. Sometimes life takes a different route than you'd have liked and you have to do your best to embrace the hand you're dealt.

I know some people have the mind set that single, stay at home mums are lazy, just had a child to claim benefits and have never done a hard days work in their life. I know this isn't everyones perception but I've come across far too many who think like it! A woman at toddler group spoke about her daughter in law returning to work, then she asked when I'm going back to work. In that moment I felt ashamed of my situation, I didn't tell her I won't be returning to work until my child is doing enough hours somewhere for me to get a job, instead I said, hopefully soon.
I know some single mums choose to work and as I initially said, I'm not doing them down. That's their choice and I respect them for that, even though it isn't how I do things, they're doing what they feel is right by their child. I choose to stay at home with Poppy though and care for her myself because I personally believe when you've had a child that's what you should do. I want to love and nurture her and raise her the same way as I would have if me and her dad would have stayed together. If that means relying on benefits then so be it. I'm not a scrounger, I'm not like the people you see on the benefits programmes, I'm just a mum doing what she feels is right.

Physically and mentally, mothering single handedly can really take its toll. I am lucky that Poppy sleeps well (for now). From the morning wake up call to tidying and cleaning ready for the next wake up call the day after, the lot is yours to do. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, 365 days a year. I know a lot of mums with partners who work a lot of hours will also follow me with this one. You go through the whole day, sometimes already exhausted and if your child has been exceptionally challenging, this just tops it off. But the worst part is, once you've cooked tea and done the rest of the bath and bedtime drudge, you really wish someone else was going to walk through the door to wash the tea pots, clean the kitchen, tidy the rest of the place, sort out the basket of washing you brought in earlier, just so you could feel like you have the energy to actually shower yourself. If you're feeling down one night and lonely, you'd love to have someone to maybe seek some comfort from and cuddle upto. Instead of this, I usually eat myself to death then go to bed. Lonely doesn't quite cover it infact.

The bond I have with Poppy is incredible though and the sense of pride I feel is pretty great too! She's secure, healthy, happy and bright. In my eyes she's perfect. Sure she has her moments of been a terror but don't they all? She can show such affection and make me smile and laugh at times when nobody else can. It's twice the hardwork but it's also twice all the moments that make all the hard work worth it.
I get a break for a few hours a week when Poppy goes to her dads overnight but if I'm honest, I'd rather keep her with me. She's my little best friend and been apart from her while she's with him breaks my heart. There are many things that would ease that feeling but that kinda stuff's for another post.

I just hope one day mums will be able to support eachother through their different ways of parenting and living without so much judgement. I also hope this post may have opened someones eyes to a different way of thinking, even just one person.

Thanks for reading!
Laura and Poppy xxx